Around the age of 3-8+ I was relentless about sneaking food. It worried my parents that, regardless of me feeling bad every time, I continued to sneak food, even in the homes of other people. It definitely needed to be solved. As time went on, I matured and learned to control myself better. Satan, using the tool previously mentioned in part one would tell me and try to convince me that I “was a thief.” He would tell me that my small weakness of sneaking food formed the biggest part of my identity. It’s laughable to think of something so small becoming so big in our mind, but Satan is very skilled in it. If an addict has a relapse, even after years of sobriety, Satan tells them that all the work was a waste and that they’re back where they started. He minimizes the “win” of having been successful for so long, and makes them believe that these mistakes define us entirely. What is God’s role in helping us to overcome this tool of Satan? He helps us to overcome this false ident...
“When will this go away??” I ask myself. Currently, I’m about 16 years old. I graduated from the self mastery program and have applied several tools to help me win the battles long term. One example of these tools is a set of daily goals like scripture study, prayer, and intentional service. These are meant to help me maintain a centered mindset, and catch Satan’s attacks before falling for them. I’ve found that when I work hard to complete these goals, he is less able to sway me. Oftentimes, these goals are referred to as “armor” designed to protect us against Satan.
Currently, I am accomplishing all my goals and staying strong, but I’ve been doing this for a long time now. Shouldn’t I be strong enough without them? It seems that anytime I slacken my efforts and don’t give my “all” to the goals, I feel more vulnerable. I’d like to be able to live a more laid-back life and not feel reliant on a specific daily ritual in order to keep winning. Don’t the scriptures talk about how God can change us? In Alma 13:12 it states that “being pure and spotless before God, [they] could not look upon sin save it were with abhorrence.” I want this. I don’t want to feel like I’m never healed. I want my nature to change enough that even if I skipped my armor, I would still be strong.
As I was studying about how this change of nature takes place, I had a distinct impression: our change in nature doesn’t mean that our weakness is taken away; if God just took away my addiction, there wouldn’t be any learning or growth. If I am more intentional in “sticking” with my armor, God changes my nature by helping those tools, goals, and the “better me” be part of my natural self as I am evolving my core identity. He helps me become someone who prays fervently every day. Someone who serves every day. He doesn’t take away the reason for fighting, rather, he empowers me to continue for the rest of my life. My goal shouldn't be to work hard until God makes it easy, my goal should be to work hard until I am equipped to face those struggles. Then, once I am strong, I will be able to take on other hard things as well. Not only do I stay clean, but I am also better able to combat other temptations and trials. I grow stronger instead of falling back to where I was before my twelve-year-old struggles.
Looking back, would I choose to go back to being twelve years old again, but without this weakness? Or do I want God to make me the kind of person capable of overcoming all of my weaknesses, and working my way towards Eternal Life?
Instead of learning how to survive even without my armor, maybe my goal should be to make my armor and my goals a part of who I am.
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